Do you believe you are self-aware? Think Again!

Tasha Eurich’s studies show that there is a huge chasm between what we think we are and what we truly are. 95% of people think they are self-aware, whereas only 10-15% are really self-aware! Introspection- thinking about ourselves-does not lead to self-awareness. We would expect that people who engage in introspection will have higher happiness, less stress, and higher job satisfaction.

However, Eurich found the exact opposite. They tended to be more stressed, depressed, less satisfied with their jobs and relationships, and less in control of their lives. And, the more they introspected, the worse these things became.

Just thinking about ourselves doesn't really tell us much about who we are. True understanding comes from a mix of looking within ourselves and observing the world around us. Insight, which comes from our inner thoughts and feelings, and outsight, which comes from what we see and experience outside, both play a role. Simply thinking hard will not lead us to the insights that we need.

Why is this so? That’s the wrong question, according to Eurich. When we ask “why” after a setback or failure, we are more likely to come up with reasons that we think are true but may not be true. It is because our deeper motives, biases, and prejudices are hidden in our unconscious, and no amount of root-cause thinking can unearth the reasons behind our own actions.

When things are like this, asking “why” can lead us away from our true nature and invent alternate reasons that fit our most recent memory. For example, if you were asked the question of how your relationship with your boss is going on, you are more likely to base your response on a set of recent events.

We are likely to think highly of our abilities due to a phenomenon called the ‘Dunning-Kruger’ effect, also called the ‘above-average effect’. For example, when asked to rate people on some desirable abilities (say, leadership skills, communication skills, etc.), most people rate themselves better than others, and since everyone is doing the same thing, it results in the absurd result of everyone being above average!

The problem with the average effect is that the more experienced and successful you are, the more likely you are to rate yourself as better than others. Thus, our tendency to overestimate our abilities clouds our self-awareness.

Another reason is our emotional blindness. We don’t realize what we are feeling and where these feelings come from. Research studies have confirmed we misattribute the cause of emotions to something that is not the real cause.

Increased use of social media has also made people more self-centered, making them less self-aware. While we lack self-awareness, we are more likely to accuse others of being less self-aware!