Conversation Meals: Increasing Empathy Without Food

One of the methods to increase empathy is perspective seeking.

In perspective taking, people are asked to imagine being like the other person and imagine experiencing their experiences and their emotions. This is different from understanding the thoughts and feelings of the other person. If you can look into a person’s face and say, “I know why that person is annoyed,” then you haven’t taken the perspective of that person. You need to get into that person’s shoes and see if you feel annoyed. This is perspective-taking.

You can do this anytime you are speaking with someone. Imagine you are that person. Can you feel the same way that the person is feeling? Do this when watching others on TV or in movies. Perspective taking is not understanding the point of others. It is seeing the world looking through their eyes.

Anytime you judge people, you are not being empathic. You are not taking their perspective; rather, you are thinking about them with preconceived notions. Whenever we catch ourselves judging others, deliberately try to imagine being the other person. Even when you interact with people with whom you have many experiences together, be open to changing your perceptions and perspectives. Have you found out the commonalities that you and this person share? If not, why not? Finding commonalities rather than differences is one way to build empathy.

A great way to improve perspective-taking is to do role-play. Actors are good at taking the perspective of the characters they play. You can do the same. Studies find that when people participate in role-playing sessions, their empathy increases. This is true for children and professionals from a wide variety of backgrounds.

Perspective-taking can increase our empathic concern for others. But we are very poor at mind-reading. So, rather than assuming what others think and feel, we could ask them directly about what they feel, according to organizational researcher Adam Grant.

An empathy researcher and philosopher, Roman Krznaric, has taken this idea across the world, arranging what he calls ‘conversation meals’ where strangers get to meet in pairs and indulge in conversations guided by a ‘menu of conversations’ provided to them. This menu has questions starting with simple yet very personal questions that get deeper and deeper as they move forward. Deep conversations foster empathy, whereas superficial conversations destroy it.

Some of these questions are as below:

“How would you like to be more courageous?”

“What is the role your friends have played in your life?”

“What is that makes you unique?”

“In three words, describe the kind of person you are.”

“What are some of your most cherished values?”

“What kind of person are you?”

“Who has influenced your life the most by helping you see the world in a new light or live your life in a new way?”

“What can we do to encourage the values you think are most important?”

“If you were to do three things for people in the future, what would they be?" “What do you think you should do right now to exploit your talents better?”

“How important is family to you?”

“If we are putting a portrait of you at the national gallery, how should it look like?” “What do you think you need to do to make your life complete?”

Sharing stories is also a powerful means of getting other people to take your perspective. Stories have been used effectively to resolve conflicts around the world. When people hear stories described in the first person and not news, empathy increases.