Want to Build Better Bonds? Build Self-Awareness First

If there is one meta-skill that forms the foundation of a large number of life skills, including building relationships, it is self-awareness.

According to Tasha Eurich, a psychologist who has done extensive research on this topic and whose TED talk on self-awareness is viewed by millions, self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly, to know how others see us, and how we fit in the scheme of things of this world. Eurich’s TED talk can be seen in the first comment.

According to Eurich, self-awareness is THE meta-skill of the 21st century. Studies by her show that people who are self-aware tend to be happier, make better choices, have stronger relationships, and raise more mature kids.

They're also more creative, confident, and good at talking with others. They're less likely to be mean or dishonest, do better at their jobs, and are more likely to be promoted. Self-aware people make great leaders with enthusiastic teams, and they run more successful companies.

Basically, the key skills needed for success in business and leadership, like understanding emotions, empathy, working well with others, communication, and persuasion, all start with being self-aware.

Eurich’s studies show that there is a huge chasm between what we think we are and what we truly are. 95% of people think they are self-aware, whereas only 10-15% are really self-aware!

Eurich says introspection- thinking about ourselves- does not lead to self-awareness. We would expect that people who engage in introspection will have higher happiness, less stress, and higher job satisfaction.

However, Eurich and her colleagues found the exact opposite. They tended to be more stressed and depressed, less satisfied with their jobs and relationships, and generally less in control of their lives. And the more they investigated, the worse these things became.

How do we then improve our self-awareness? We will discuss that in the next issue.